I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
