Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
