You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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