at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
