The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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