I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
