I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
