im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
