I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
