Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
