Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
