Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
COCAINE IS GR8
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
