Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
