So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
