went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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