Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there's paper in my vomit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
