do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
