YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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