can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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