I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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