Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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