i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like a drive thru vagina
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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