dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
