I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
