Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
