hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
