I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
