It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
