It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
