I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
