you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I cut my penus on the lid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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