I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize