Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
