420 ftw
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
be right there i have to get my cape
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
