My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
