Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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