For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
