Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
