Small penises have feelings too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
