Your tits are I can't wait for
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
