I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
