I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
