He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
