You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
