I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
sex in a hospital.. check
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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