The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
