i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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