How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
