this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
