Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm too high and old for this...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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