Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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