so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
