nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
