Slut skills are useful in every country.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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