First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
