I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
