My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
