Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
