Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
