I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
