omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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