Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
