hotel room ftw
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
