All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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